


Wilful Blindness

by KatieDingo



Category: Last Tango In Halifax
Genre: F/F, Fluffyfest, LTIH_go for it, One Shot, Short & Sweet, better late than never - so they tell me, part 497 for a snotty bitch and trailer trash, romance in the kitchen, sorry this is a year late
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:22:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28178328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatieDingo/pseuds/KatieDingo
Summary: Gillian says to Caroline,“You’re very attractive. You should go for it.”I wrote most of this last year when I saw the trailer for season 5. The idea was to provide context for a scene from the Season 5 Trailer with Caroline and Gillian in the kitchen. I found a lovely fluffy ending for this little kitchen romance and post it for your delectation. #LTIH_goforit
Relationships: Gillian Greenwood/Caroline McKenzie-Dawson
Comments: 24
Kudos: 65





	Wilful Blindness

It has been yet another interesting evening with their parents. Of course, the way Gillian says the word _interesting_ , Caroline knows she means _bollocks_. Celia has been her usual judgemental and argumentative self, picking fights with everyone at the table but mostly with Gillian. Even the normally placid Alan has been tetchy; trouble is indeed brewing in paradise and it has been for a while, if truth be told.  
  
It is a relief when the two oldies head for home and the kids head into the lounge room, leaving Caroline and Gillian to clean up after dinner. They cheerfully dissect the evening’s conversation, landing some savage commentary before moving onto more interesting topics, namely, the woman Caroline has the hots for at work.  
  
“What’s she like?”  
  
“Well, she’s uh... she’s...” Caroline stops drying the dishes. Doing two things simultaneously is obviously a bridge too far while she tries to work out just who Ruth is. She switches into work mode, alleviating the stress of dealing with awkward emotions on the topic, voice suddenly confident. “She’s my Head of English.”  
  
Gillian stops too, hands resting on the edge of the sink, dripping soapy water. She is thoroughly enjoying Caroline’s company. It’s always better when it’s just the two of them and she treasures the joy of having her step-sister all to herself.  
  
“So what’s she like?” Gillian asks, torn between wanting to know about the competition and not wanting information that would make her feel even more out of her league as a potential partner for Caroline.  
  
Caroline carefully puts away the wine glass, turns and leans against the cupboard. She allows herself a moment of reflection. “She’s smart. She’s capable... good teacher, manages the staff well, is across the full range of literature—”  
  
Gillian chuckles ruefully. “Not her CV you numpty. What’s she _like?”_  
  
“Oh.” Caroline is so used to discussing the staff at the job level that it takes a shift to think at a more personal level. She examines her hands to avoid looking at Gillian who is watching her in silence. At some level she’s aware this is a sensitive topic for Gillian, but her step-sister keeps asking questions and it’s easier to pretend this is a normal conversation.  
  
“Oh, well...” A smile creeps up Caroline’s face unbidden, revealing far more than Caroline could verbalise. “She’s cool-headed in a crisis, but she fires up...” Caroline pauses, disappearing into a memory.  
  
Gillian can see Caroline is struggling. “Okay. Let’s try something else.” Gillian drains the water and wipes her hands on a towel, stomach starting to knot with the dreadful anticipation of listening to something she doesn’t want to hear. She focuses her attention on Caroline, trying to be supportive; she hasn’t seen her this tongue-tied for years.  
  
“So tell me what she looks like then.”  
  
“Oh.” Caroline flicks the tea towel nervously before continuing. “Tall, lean, fit. Wears pants, never skirts, shirts buttoned up just enough to be decent, short hair, no earrings but wears a single necklace.”  
  
Gillian nods, shoulders tensing at how closely Caroline has been paying attention to this woman. She turns to the window, hoping to hide her reaction. She closes her eyes, asking quietly, “And what’s on the necklace?”  
  
“A silver book. I think it’s a—”  
  
“Have you asked her out?” Gillian blurts, following the anchor of her questioning to the bottom of her jealousy. Things have changed over the last few months and Gillian has found herself drawn to Caroline in a way she’d not thought possible. A growing awareness of how she notices what Caroline is wearing, of her moods, her physical proximity is becoming acute. It’s getting to the awkward stage of attraction because Gillian is sometimes tongue-tied, but Caroline never seems to notice, or forgives her for it at least. The thickening of Gillian’s desire has coalesced into an envy of this woman who has caught Caroline’s eye and she grips the edge of the bench, trying to hold herself from action, or even reaction.  
  
“No!” Caroline shifts her weight awkwardly to her other foot, voice fading as she speaks. “No. I can’t do that. She’s my employee.”  
  
“Has she asked you out then? How do you know she’s interested?”  
  
While Caroline hunts through memories for glimpses of meaning, Gillian reverts to playing the fool, trying to lighten the conversation.

“Does she check you out, send you notes in class, feel you up, chase you into the stationary cupboard?”  
  
Caroline blushes, her cheeks warming with the rash of heat rising up her body. She clears her throat noisily, trying to squash the memory of last night’s masturbatory fantasy of bending Ruth over the photocopier and taking her.  
  
“None of that. I can’t—” She crosses her arms protectively. “I can’t. It’s too risky. I... I don’t know...what if she’s not…” Caroline closes her eyes and after a moment, sighs despondently. Nothing has changed and she still has no idea how to do any of it. “I’m not good at this,” she admits quietly.  
  
“I know. It _is_ hard for you.” A smile creeps up Gillian’s face, before adding gleefully, “You’re a bit of a knob when it comes to romance.”  
  
“You don’t have to sound so pleased about it,” Caroline snaps grumpily. She wraps the tea towel tightly around one of her hands in frustration. “I know it’s all so easy for you, but I find this...” She pauses, slumping against the cupboard. “I can’t let myself get involved with someone at work. If it goes pear shaped, and it probably will, then it’ll be a nightmare. It was awful when Kate—” Caroline stops, remembering the sharp words at meetings, the plotting to avoid Kate in the halls. She crumples at the thought of having to go through that again.  
  
Gillian watches as Caroline talks herself out of any attempt to engage with Ruth. Fear of failure drips from Caroline’s pores, memories of her disappointments with Kate freshly reconstituted into vivid monsters.  
  
“Not everyone is as straight as you think they are. Some women might even surprise you,” Gillian adds, wondering how much Caroline will read between the lines.

“I know. It’s just...”

“So if you’re not going to do anything about this woman because she’s your employee, then have you thought of going outside school? Tried new hunting grounds?”  
  
“Hunting grounds? What, do you think I’m gagging for a shag?” Caroline shakes her head, surprised that Gillian doesn’t know her better than this.  
  
Gillian laughs, surprised by Caroline’s language.  
  
“Not quite what I meant, but...At least you wouldn’t have to see them again if it goes tits up.”  
  
Caroline nods, understanding the philosophy behind it before shaking her head, still unwilling to attempt anything of the sort. “It all sounds a bit desperate, like I’m in such dire need of a shag I’ll...” She screws her nose up, her disdain evident.  
  
“So you’ll be happy to never touch a woman again,” Gillian states like it is a done deal, the thought Caroline would never be touched again in love phrased as a crime. She watches Caroline, cataloguing the emotions as they flit across the soft terrain of the head teacher’s face she’d come to know so well.  
  
Caroline is silent, brooding on the future described so depressingly by Gillian. She doesn’t want that to be her future; she just can’t see a way past the roadblocks. She stands up straighter, putting on rose-tinted glasses so thick she can no longer see her self-deception. “I’m sure it will be fine.”  
  
Gillian nods and then starts to fidget, nerves pushing her to move. She skitters around the kitchen for a few seconds in a wonky orbit around Caroline before stopping directly in front of her. The intensity of Gillian’s gaze pushes the blonde back against the cupboards, reaching for support.  
  
Gillian leans in, needing a response to equal her own emotional intensity.  
  
“So, never to be touched by a woman, or kissed, or anything.” Gillian’s voice drops lower, the rich timbre of it suggestive. “Never to be caressed, or cuddled after a bad day. Never to share the joys of a good day. Never to be aroused by the tantalising notes of perfume and skin.”  
  
Gillian fashions a verbal shiv. “Sounds like you’re giving up.”  
  
Caroline grimaces, the sliver of truth sliding between ribs, finding its target.  
  
Slyly, softly, the farmer drives the truth home. “I know you like sex. You’ve told me.” Gillian steps a little closer, asking even more quietly, “Don’t you miss it?”  
  
Caroline, eyes closed, sways for a moment before standing up straight and opening her eyes. It is a devilish spell that the farmer weaves, and the blonde isn’t entirely sure of the game but she has a dreadful feeling she’s being outclassed.  
  
Gillian hesitates, her body humming with nerves, communicating silently through her eyes. She studies the face softened by the hard realities of life, finding it more beautiful because of them. Shifting her weight from one foot to the other, Gillian inches closer still. She can’t contain it any longer, this need to seize the day. Her compulsion to see how Caroline responds is acute. She reaches out to grasp Caroline’s arms, then verbally sidesteps at the last moment.  
  
“You’re very attractive. You should go for it.”  
  
Caroline can barely breathe. Gillian is so close, the intensity of her gaze pins her to the cupboard, warm hands lightly touch her arms.  
  
This is the moment that it all clicks into place for Caroline. It is the moment it finally dawns on her that all the evenings, the phone calls, the invitations to do things together weren’t for Flora at all. It takes seeing the farmer in front of her, nervously hopping from foot to foot, declaring that she finds Caroline attractive to challenge the blonde’s wilful blindness. The look in Gillian’s eyes as they project the darker tones of desire finds its way home in Caroline. It is the first time that Caroline truly understands that Gillian wants her.  
  
Caroline gasps, feeling for the wood behind her to ground the charge running through her body. It had been years since anyone has looked at her like this. The autonomic response is one of reciprocation, the blood suddenly running hot in her veins. No more is there consideration of another woman. The only person in the world is the one in front of her, the step-sister with skin smelling of fresh air and hay and eyes that pierce into her soul.  
  
Caroline’s lips part and unconsciously she licks her lips. She’s unaware she’s doing it, so focused is she on the bold woman in front of her and when Gillian runs a hand over her shoulder and fingers slip around the back of her neck, Caroline is breathing hard. She is ready for the kiss, but doesn’t anticipate the savage thrill that runs through her when Gillian’s lips find hers. The world slips away as awareness of Gillian takes centre stage. She is simultaneously lost and found, connected to the world only by the strong woman in her arms. She has found her home.


End file.
